Transparency.

Full disclosure, you see…. I am not really who my bio says I am.

Wife – yes

Mom – yes

Aspiring Proverbs 31 woman – Jesus take the wheel. I am trying y’all.

But reality is I am and I was way more than just that. Get your tissues ready. Let’s peel back the layers of this onion.

Once I entered adulthood, I had these goals and ideas of what life would be like. Well, that just wasn’t God’s plan or mine apparently due to some really poor choices. I was blessed with three amazing children. Those children involved a couple of failed marriages. And then I married again, failed again. I really tried on that last one though. I prayed a lot. I finally quit praying selfish prayers and asked God to heal my marriage or heal my heart. My heart didn’t heal with that failed marriage, but it definitely did in the after math. I was so fake for a minute it was unreal. I fooled people with my highlight reel on social media. Ugh… yes, I have divorce record that is embarrassing. Good news, God creates new creatures from that past filth. I made mistakes in those marriages that will cost me some explaining time at the pearly gates.

You should be reading Rachel Dehnert, RN but back to that whole failed relationships thing, I gave up school and dove into working full time and raising three handsome boys. Do I wish I had pursued that RN? For sure, but I am so content with working side by side with my parents and seeing their life’s work be a blessing to so many.

I have had bad habits. Disgustingly bad habits. I drank like I was a fish or looking for the answer at the bottom of allllll those bottles. I tried more drugs than I care to confess. I looked for love or relationships to satisfy or fill a void. I kind of thought it was a genetic disposition to be able to drink like I did and lead a party lifestyle. Stupid. There are no generational curses like that. There are only OUR choices. So, just be patient behind me in line at the pearly gates while I explain that one too. Please & thanks.

Oh and if you feel the need to judge me on any of these statements, have at it. You can even discuss it with your people. You can shame me all you want. I promise you one thing, you will never shame me more than I once shamed myself. I literally got to a point where I thought I did not deserve a decent relationship or much of anything good at all. Not to seek your sympathy because I know now that I deserve all of God’s blessing, He promised them to me!! So, you my dear reader, will not hurt me more than I hurt myself. I sincerely hope you opt to not gossip or judge, but I get it if you do. I used to be a gossiping, “mean girl.”

After that last marriage and the loss of my father, I took some time to evaluate who I really was. My identity in Christ had gotten lost amongst the muck of my bad decisions. I learned to love myself, genuinely love myself. In that process, I rode the roller coaster of committing myself to a genuine relationship with God. I would hop on when I needed a blessing. Throw my hands in the air as the exhilarating blessing made my heart leap like a true coaster. Then hop off so I could not be held accountable for my slip ups.

I decided to commit to that heavenly Father more at one point and the exhilarating blessings started coming so often, I had to catch my breath. Why would He love me so much after how dirty my story was? But boy, does He love me!! Honestly, I am still catching my breath every day. I am a constant work in progress. I still enjoy a glass of wine or a Bud Light on occasion. Sometimes I turn off KLove or WayFM and jam to Tupac & Biggie like I don’t have such a country accent rapping. Be warned, my playlist makes me look like I have multiple personality disorder.

I am somewhere between 90s rap and my aspiration of a Proverbs 31 woman, but God and I got this all worked out. He convicts my heart when I step out of line. I praise Him in every high and low. I just want to love like He loves. If you are reading this, I probably love you more than you know or want to get to know you and show you that love.

With love, Rachel

Image Bearers

Never judge a book by the cover is so cliche. But so true. We (or perhaps I’ll say just I and speak for myself) often look at people & base an opinion. What exactly are we looking at?

The girl with the perfectly styled hair, perfectly tailored clothing and a smile for a toothpaste commercial…. ah, she’s got to be successful & “livin’ her best life!”

The man in line at the gas station with the sweat pants and tank top, well he must just not care about anything, period.

The lady holding the sign “Hungry, please help.” She must just be lazy.

The harsh reality is that’s such a wrong habit one can get stuck in. The facts are that we are all image bearers. God created the lady in the tailored clothes in the exact same manner he created the lady with the sign. My pastor preached on the idea of being image bearers yesterday & my good old friend conviction snuck in. Yikes.

We put so much weight on outer appearance: size of homes, years of vehicles, clothes, etc. that we forget to look at people’s hearts. The heart is the source of their true beauty and worth. The part that hides their exhaustion (from working tirelessly at their full-time job and maintaining their large family) that led them to be draped in sweats and a tank top at the gas station. The guard of the emotions from life’s failures and accomplishments that may have led to them holding a sign by the road “begging” because they lost their spouse months ago and spiraled into depression which created even more loss.

We strive to keep up with worldly standards, but put the most important things on the back burner. We need to remember that regardless of what we have, we are given the greatest gift ever by being created by a God that thinks we are “a little lower than the heavenly beings(Psalm 8:5).” Storing up treasures on earth is futile. The treasure waiting on us in eternity (upon acceptance of one of God’s other great gifts – we can talk about that more privately if you want!) is beyond comprehension of our human minds. I mean streets of GOLD y’all….. if you have been on I71 recently that is a concept difficult to grasp as they have potholes out there bigger than my house! LOL!

Maybe do a heart check the next time you think you know something about someone and remember they too are a little lower than heavenly beings! You are looking at a divine creation…. even when you look in that mirror. Remember that.

With love, Rachel

What is a rant?

According to one of my favorite people – Mr. Webster, a rant is to “speak or shout at length, in a wild, impassioned way.” I have always had a passion for reading, writing and speaking. Now let me do any of the three on something I find important and we have the true definition of a rant!

For years I have dreamed of writing for the public like I once did as an intern at our local newspaper or in a similar facet. I have a dear friend who has always pushed me to do that, but I have started & stopped a dozen times. My goal has been to be a published author of an actual book one day. That goal created a fear of failure which is why I have started that book and froze in fear, throwing out the scribbled pages. 

Just yesterday, June 1st, 2019, the same “pushy” friend suggested a blog, so….. welcome to Rachel Rants!